Waldon, Erica, L., BA,CLC-CHC
August 14th, 2024
Where’s my folder? Do you have your library book? Is your lunch made? Where are my shoes? Can you sign my permission slip? If any of these questions sound familiar, it’s likely that your morning with children is a little chaotic and you may need a morning routine reset. As you are gearing up for the start of school, one of the most important things to keep in mind is that the way you start your day helps determine your child’s level of success in school. You have the power to set the tone in your home every morning. Prepare your child for optimal learning by providing a routine that includes a combination of healthy foods, movement, grounding practices, and most importantly a calm, low-conflict environment.
Reacting to children without escalating a situation is crucial for maintaining a calm and supportive environment, especially during moments of tension. As parents or caregivers, our responses can either diffuse or intensify a situation, and understanding how to manage our reactions is key to fostering a healthy, respectful relationship with our children. Here’s a guide to help you navigate those challenging moments without escalating the situation so your morning sets you up for success.
1. Pause and Breathe
When a child is acting out or displaying difficult behavior, our first instinct may be to react quickly. However, taking a moment to pause and breathe can make a significant difference. This short pause allows you to gather your thoughts, assess the situation more clearly, and choose a response that is measured rather than reactive. Breathing deeply can also help reduce your own stress levels, making it easier to approach the situation calmly.
2. Listen Actively
Children often act out when they feel unheard or misunderstood. Instead of immediately correcting or disciplining them, take the time to listen to what they are saying—or trying to say—through their behavior. Active listening involves giving them your full attention, acknowledging their feelings, and validating their emotions. By doing so, you show that you respect their perspective, which can reduce their need to escalate the situation further.
3. Stay Calm and Composed
Children often mirror the emotions of the adults around them. If you react with frustration or anger, they are likely to respond in kind. Remaining calm and composed, even in the face of challenging behavior, sets a positive example for your child and helps to de-escalate the situation. Use a soft tone of voice and gentle body language to convey calmness, which can help soothe a child who may be feeling overwhelmed.
4. Set Clear Boundaries
While it's important to be understanding, it's equally important to set clear boundaries. Children need to know what is acceptable behavior and what is not. When setting boundaries, be firm but fair. Explain the consequences of their actions calmly and ensure that you follow through consistently. Consistency in enforcing boundaries helps children understand the limits and reduces the likelihood of repeated arguments.
5. Offer Solutions, Not Just Criticism
Rather than simply pointing out what your child did wrong, guide them towards a solution. For example, if a child is yelling because they’re upset, you might say, "I see you’re upset. How about we talk about what’s bothering you?" Offering solutions helps children learn how to manage their emotions and behaviors more effectively, reducing the need for escalation.
6. Empathize and Acknowledge Feelings
Children, like adults, want their feelings to be acknowledged. Even if their behavior seems unreasonable, it’s important to empathize with their emotions. You might say, "I understand that you’re angry because you can’t sleepover at your friend’s house." By acknowledging their feelings, you validate their experience, which can help them feel understood and less defensive.
7. Redirect and Distract
If a situation is starting to escalate, sometimes the best course of action is to redirect your child’s attention to something else. Distraction can be a powerful tool, especially for younger children. Offering an alternative activity or changing the subject can help diffuse tension and prevent the situation from spiraling out of control.
8. Model Problem-Solving Skills
Children learn by watching the adults in their lives. By modeling effective problem-solving skills, you teach your child how to handle difficult situations in a constructive way. This might involve talking through your thought process out loud, showing how to weigh different options, or demonstrating how to stay calm under pressure. Over time, your child will begin to adopt these skills, reducing the likelihood of escalations in the future. One way you can model organization is by having all paperwork, materials for the backpack and lunches prepared the day before so that the morning allows time for you to mentally prepare for the day.
9. Take a Break if Needed
If you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break. Let your child know that you need a moment to calm down and that you’ll continue the conversation once you’re feeling more composed. This teaches your child that it’s okay to step away from a situation to regain control of one’s emotions, which is a valuable coping skill.
10. Reflect and Learn!
After a tense situation has passed, take some time to reflect on what happened. Consider what triggered the escalation and how you responded. Were there any signs you missed? Could you have handled the situation differently? Learning from these experiences can help you improve your responses in the future and build a more peaceful and supportive relationship with your child.
Conclusion
Dealing with challenging behavior in children can be tough, (especially when nerves are escalated before school) however, by reacting calmly and thoughtfully, you can prevent situations from escalating. Remember, your goal is not just to manage your child's behavior in the moment, but to teach them valuable life skills that will help them navigate their emotions and relationships as they grow. With patience, empathy, and consistency, you can create an environment where your child feels safe, heard, and respected. Set your child up for success by grounding yourself and taking charge of your emotions.
For more information on how to manage healthy boundaries with your child, reach out to Ms. Erica Waldon at (920)254-9379 or ewaldon@waldonwellness.com. Contact for a free consultation today.
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