Parental Alienation

Parental Alienation

Waldon, Erica L., BA, CLC-CHC

August 1st, 2024

Definition:  Parental alienation is the systematic belittling of one parent by the other parent with the intent of estranging a child (children) from or against the alternate parent.  It is a form of propaganda and brain washing, a concerted campaign to degrade the relationship between the child and the other parent.  

The purpose of parental alienation is usually two-fold.  First, to gain,retain or extend custody, or visitation of the child, while at the same time controlling, minimizing or terminating the involvement of the other parent.  Many times the real motive is financially driven in order to minimize or eliminate court ordered child support.  Secondly, to punish or control the other parent for some perceived wrong during the course of the relationship or marriage.  It is a dysfunctional and destructive attempt to deal one’s anger towards the other parent.

The true victims of parental alienation are the children.  Many children are unknowingly influenced by the campaign of propaganda to the point of reaching a state of mind and attitude such that they begin to profess proudly their decision to reject the other parent as their own original idea.  The child often denies any contribution for their rejection of one parent as coming from the other parent. It is important to appreciate that after a period of programming, the child may not know what they really want any more, and comes to believe that the other parent deserves the vilification being directed against him/her.  The alienating parent has thus achieved the endpoint of the brainwashing process.  Parental alienation is emotional child abuse.

The majority of legal and social service organizations, including family court, have no clear definition or any specific guidelines as to what “emotional abuse” is, thus it is usually only acted upon as an extension of, or in coordination with, neglect, physical, or sexual abuse. Emotional abuse is inherently intangible, more difficult to see and understand, whereas other forms of child abuse, verbal, physical, sexual, and neglect, are readily identified even by lay witnesses. Commonly reported behaviors of parental alienation include:

1.​ The alienating parent will insist that the other parent come and go exactly at the times they stipulate and that the other parent detail where the other parent is taking the child and under what conditions.  Whereas, the alienating parent will not inform the other parent of anything they do with the child.

2.​ The alienating parent will make changes to arrangements the other parent has with the child but not tell the other parent these changes until the last minute.  If the other parent complains, the otherparent will lose the placement time, if the other parent has to change arrangements, the alienating parent will simple refuse to accept the changes and the other parent will lose placement time.

3.​ The alienating parent will deliberately offer the child alternative events (on the other parent’s days) and then say the child has chosen the alternative event.

4.​ The alienating parent will duplicate gifts the other parent gives the child to undermine the value the child puts on it.

5.​ The alienating parent will lose, hide, break, or deliberately be careless with things the other parent gives to the child.

6.​ The alienating parent will not keep the other parent informed of the child’s well being, education reports, activities or anything that the other parent might expect as a parent.

7.​ If the other parent does anything to help the child, the alienating parent may thank the other parent in a way the alienating parent might thank a stranger doing a favor.

8.​ Should the other parent buy the child clothes, the alienating parent will criticize the other parent’s taste or understanding of the child’s needs.

9.​ The alienating parent will criticize the other parent’s home, friends, and life style.  The alienating parent will use any of these as an excuse to end contact.

10.​ The alienating parent will allow the child to miss homework during the week so that it has to be during the other parent’s contact time, thus vying with anything else the other parent might have prearranged.

11.​ The alienating parent will interpret the other parent’s contact time as being the total amount of time available for all purposes.  If the other parent’s parents want to see their grandchild, it will have to come out of the other parent’s contact time.

12.​ If the alienating parent sees the other parent in the street, when other parent is with the child, the alienating parent will ignore the other parent, effectively pressuring the child to do the same.

13.​ If the other parent has a new partner, the alienating parent will insist that the new partner not be involved in contact times as it distresses the child.

14.​ If the other parent phones the child and the alienating parent answers the phone, the alienating parent will say the child is busy or out.  If the child answers the phone, the alienating parent will listen in or interrupt the child.

15.​ The alienating parent will constantly remind the other parent of the other parent’s shortcomings in front of the child.

Remember, parental alienation is emotional child abuse, and "Any attempt at alienating a child from the other parent, should be seen as a direct and willful violation of one of the prime duties of parenthood." -- TheFlorida Bar Journal, vol. 73, No. 3, March 1999.

If you know of someone who is a victim of parental alienation contact Ms. Erica Waldon at Waldon Wellness Clinic for a consultation session.